Access vs. Effort: Don’t Confuse Presence with Participation
Having the ability to show up is not the same as actually doing it. One keeps you in proximity. The other keeps you connected.
Access is easy.
Effort is earned.
See, having someone’s number doesn’t mean you know how to love them.
Having someone’s attention doesn’t mean you’re nurturing the connection.
Just because you could show up, doesn’t mean you did.
And a lot of people are mistaking availability for action.
But understand this:
You don’t prove you care by being reachable.
You prove it by being intentional.
Here’s the difference:
Access says:
“I can hit you up whenever.”
Effort says:
“I already did—just to check in.”
Access says:
“I meant to call.”
Effort says:
“I made the time.”
Access waits for the perfect moment.
Effort creates one.
Being “Around” Isn’t the Same as Being Present
You can be surrounded by people and still feel unseen.
Still feel unheard.
Still feel like the only one who remembers how much you had to hold.
Some folks think their ability to respond if needed counts as showing up.
But real love? Real friendship? Real connection?
It doesn’t wait to be needed.
It anticipates. It initiates. It follows through.
This is for the ones tired of chasing
You’re not asking for too much when you want consistency.
You’re not being dramatic for needing someone to show up without reminders.
You’re not needy for wanting intentional effort.
Because “you could’ve reached out” doesn’t mean anything if you didn’t.
Stop making excuses for passive people
Some people had full access to your heart, your time, your loyalty—
and still couldn’t put in the effort to meet you where you were.
That’s not love.
That’s not friendship.
That’s convenience.
If someone only reaches out when it benefits them…
if they only call when they’re bored or broken…
if they keep you around like a backup plan—
That’s not connection.
That’s proximity with no participation.
Let’s stop confusing access with effort.
One is passive.
The other is proof.
You deserve people who don’t just know how to reach you—
but choose to.
People who don’t just say “I care,” but show it.
People who don’t just keep you around, but keep you close.
Because access might make you available.
But effort is what makes you seen.
If this message brought you clarity…
you’re already halfway home.
But Love in Your Own Hands?
That’s for the part of you that’s still unlearning.
The part that wants to stop settling.
The part that’s finally ready to stop chasing and start choosing—yourself.
It’s not just a book.
It’s a blueprint for healing the way you love…
so that what you attract next matches the love you’re finally giving yourself.
🖤 Grab your copy here.
Your future doesn’t need more confusion.
It needs love that’s rooted—in you.
This spoke to me. I think we confuse this process, especially in family dynamics. I had to learn rather quickly that just because someone has your name does not mean that they magically have access embedded in them. I appreciate you posting this.